It’s been a month since you passed and I’m having a hard time today. You were my best friend. My super hero. And now my guardian angel. Things have been crazy and I just wish you were here.

Yeah yeah everyone’s all “shes with you in your heart” but fuck that shit it’s not the same. I still hear your voice. I still see your face. But you’re not here. I wake up in the middle of the night to hear you calling out for me and it takes everything in me not to go and check on you. Because I know you’re not here.

I cant hug you. I cant hiked your hand and watch history documentaries. I cant br iij ng my self to watch any of our shows. Because it’s not the same.

Babe tried his best to help me… but I feel like I’m at a loss. What bbn do bbn I do?

We all handle stress differently, for some it’s anger, sadness, cold attitudes, amount so much more. For me I push people away. I’m trying not to. I’m doing everything in my power not to push my husband away but I don’t quite know how not to. I’m so used to having my space, my way. There’s so much change in my life I’m not quite sure what to do with it.

For starters my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It started in her lungs and matastisised to her brain. My husband moved in but no one in my family knows were married. I don’t know how to stay calm and collected. I’m doing my best but in the inside I’m freaking out I’m losing control and my cool. I just want to be held and treated like a princess. Not a work horse.

When I come home it’s do this do that take care of mom. I’m so used to just taking care of things I try to do it for him too. And I’m so sorry for that.

I know that no one reads this. But I’m glad to have my voice.

Xoxo Neuro

It’s been a little while. I took some time to try and live my life with out social media with out anything and it’s been a struggle.

For the first time in forever I had been free and confident. And not worried about someone taking my husband. But today… it’s been rough we’re just hanging with his friends and having a good time then it hits me hard…

what if someone takes him? What if he finds someone better? The confidence comes and goes.. but right now, in this moment it’s on a down hill spiral of being afraid to let him out of my sight. He keeps reacting like there’s something to hide and that worries me more than anything.

Every time i talk to him about it he swears there’s nothing. But idk…

I’m having a really hard time handling and controlling my emotions lately. The littlest things are setting me into a pub or of years I don’t know what to do. Any ideas?

“Netflix and chill” a term kids use nowadays to refer to something rather crude. But let’s use it as a different way.

Whether it’s tv or reading or watching movies, these outlets are something that help us forget for just a while that our lives that our minds aren’t as crappy as they feel.

There’s always something in our lives that can distract us from the things we struggle with within our selves. For me it’s my anxiety.. the depression… the self doubt and self consciousness inside me that keep me from moving forward. But as hard as they fight to keep me frozen in my own fear, in my own self doubt, I will forever fight harder then they do.

Today I chose to spend sometime watching Netflix, I chose something I wouldn’t ever watch but it turns out it was one of the most interesting things I’ve ever watched. Heart wrenching and just amazing.Usually I just grab a book and lay out in the grass… on a blanket of course because I’m allergic to basically everything out side 😂😂. But today, this time it was different. I felt more calm, more at peace than ever. I know I said that yesterday but it seems things are looking up. It’s been 2 days since I’ve had a panic attack. Which is a rather big for me. I’m used to big panic attacks that could last from 15 min to hours. They aren’t always what you see in the movies… shaking, rocking, crying, screaming. Don’t get me wrong that happens and they hurt and the crash after is even worse. But they are also over thinking, nervousness that has you frozen in fear. Trouble breathing and even irritability. I’ve gone from being happy as anything to spacing out and snapping on my love. And that’s not right and it’s not fair to him. But sometimes it’s out of your control.

So tell me, what do you struggle with? And how do you handle it. Thanks for dealing with my rambling posts.

Xoxo neuro 💕🐨

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton