SHE IS LOVE.

The look in her eyes when she answers the phone and sees that it’s me.

The way her smile brightens when i make a goofy face.

She is love.

The way she laughs at the dump things I say.

The way she blushes when I call her out on her shit.

…when i tell her “i love you” and he smile grabs ahold of her eyes, making her eyes shine a deep green, with under-hues of blue.

She is love.

The way her light exudes from her soul… She is a master at captivating me.

Her inner beauty shines brighter than any other soul could.

She is beautiful on the outside, even though she doesn’t know it.

She is patient.

She is kind.

She is passionate.

She is strong.

SHE is LOVE.

Xoxo, Neuro

It’s Been A While… (Warning Word Vomit)

Thee past few months have been a crazy roller coaster ride. Works been crazy, working on my new relationship, applying for schools… Everything seems like it’s constantly moving faster than ever before.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve sat down and wrote anything. My mental health took a turn for the worst, and it was a struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to shower, a struggle to do the most basic tasks. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I couldn’t let down the people I love. I knew that if I stayed in bed, if I gave up on life, that I wouldn’t be able to live with my self knowing that I disappointed the ones i love most in this crazy life.

Unfortunately the thing that comes to my mind next… is that even though I’m so worried about letting down the people I love.. the only personI can really count on is me. There’s no one else who will always have my back, who will be there for me no matter what.

I’ve always put everything i have, put my all into whatever significant other that I’m with at the moment. I can’t explain how amazing it is to sit here, next to my current S.O. And feel at ease.. that no matter what,,, they are helping me be the best me I can be.. They have made me realize that I need to get up out of bed, for me. I need to push to do the things that scare me.. for no one but myself. I need to do the things I want to do, do the things that I know that I want out of life, that will make me happy because no one else will do it for me.

I’m using this as a pledge to myself, that no matter what. I will apply. To colleges. I will get my degree. I’m going to write, and publish my books, and I am going to do everything I dream of. Make everything that I want happen, because of me. Because it’s what makes me happy. Because its what I want out of life. And not for what I think will impress or make the people I love happy.

XOXO, Neuro

Stress.

I haven’t posted in a bit because I’ve been going through a lot. I’m switching meds and this change has had some bad side effects. Today I had an extremely bad panic attack that almost ended my marriage… and that was scary. The littlest things are making me irritable and it scares me…

Can anyone else relate?

Xoxo💕🐨💕

Feelings.

Have you ever had a feeling so strong you don’t know what to do with it?

Right now that’s how I feel. I have this upset and anger building inside of me. This guilt and confusion because I hurt my s.o. Without meaning to. I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack but I’ve been doing so good.. I don’t want to take my Xanax to calm down because I’ve used them allot lately.

Help? Any ideas?

Xoxo Neuro 💕🐨

6/10/19-the first.

Today was the first time in a long time I felt truly at peace. For the first part of the day I was in a bliss of love and in an extraordinary state of mind. Then I got I told what a terrible daughter I was and decided that today will be the first day.

The first day I say f-you and fully care about my self and my self alone. A child should never have to feel the way I felt today and that means that from now on my soul purpose will be to make my self happy. And in the process I will make my man happy as well. But that’s it. I no longer care about the opinions of my family.

Today will be the first day of my new forever. My mental health and my piece of mind now come before everything and anything.

Today, I took a mental health day from work. It was the first day in a long time I did things for me. I took a walk, did yoga (which I haven’t done in over a year. And man did that hurt). But today is my day. And from here on out there will be more days like this one.

Tell me what you do for you! How do you take care of your self mentally.

I’m here to listen, give advice, tell my story, but also, to take advice from you.

Xoxo neuro 🐨💕

Welcome!

Hi there! Welcome to my journey. I’m not quite sure what this is going to turn into, but get ready for the ride of your life….Well, the ride of my life. If there’s one thing you need to know, it is that I don’t like people. So if I like you, well, you’re pretty special. I am 26 years old, just on this crazy ride we call life. I am a Queer, polyamorous female, with a gorgeous partner, who makes my life so full. This is my safe space, where I will word vomit, and dump out whatever is in my brain. There’s a mix of posts, poems, word vomit, whatever comes out of my brain to help me work through things in my fucked up brain. This is how I choose to heal. Processing, writing, letting my emotions go, working through it and moving the FUCK on. It may not make sense, but this is me. Follow me through this journey. A journey of self love, relationships, family, polyamory, emotions, the roller coaster that is my life.

I guess I should start now huh?

Things in my life haven’t always been how they are now. Well, I guess they kind of have. From the time I was young, I’d only talk to those I was comfortable with. I was one of four kids so you’d think that I’d be more out going, but the reality is I always felt like an outsider. No, I don’t think my family did it to me on purpose but it’s kind of just how everything panned out. At the age of 14 I was jumped by a girl in my neighborhood and sent to the hospital because of it. That’s where everything got intensified. The doctors started throwing out words like PTSD and anxiety. They were saying that I would have some issues for a while; and as a 14 year old girl that was confusing (the concussion didn’t help). Since then things have changed, I’ve learned more about my self and my conditions/diagnoses. Some things have gotten better, some worse, and other things have been added. But I will not stop. But let’s not dwell on the past too much.

To reiterate, I’m not sure how this is going to go, but Welcome to my journey. Come along for an interesting ride.