HER

She is a body…

She is a soul….

One whom I’ve known for many life times.

She is beauty..

She is strength.

She is absolute perfection in my eyes.

With eyes that glisten in the sunlight, changing shades depending on the life around her… from hazel to bright blue… and my favorite shade of green..

The look she gets when she catches you staring at her…

She is absolute perfection in my eyes.

Her soul is as beautiful as the windows into them..

she is kind.. but she is cautious.

She has known pain… and hurt…

She was been broken and beaten…

Yet she has prevailed.

She is beautiful…

She is bold…

She is the most gorgeous soul mine has ever had the joy of meeting.

I could recognize her through lifetimes..

Know her from just one look…

Time and time again…

In this life and in next…

She is her.

The one I love..

The one whose soul belongs with mine.

The one I will meet in every life.

The one I will cherish the most.

She…. Is my heart… my soul… my other half.. my missing piece…

SHE is YOU

YOU are HER.

Xoxo, Neuro

SHE IS LOVE.

The look in her eyes when she answers the phone and sees that it’s me.

The way her smile brightens when i make a goofy face.

She is love.

The way she laughs at the dump things I say.

The way she blushes when I call her out on her shit.

…when i tell her “i love you” and he smile grabs ahold of her eyes, making her eyes shine a deep green, with under-hues of blue.

She is love.

The way her light exudes from her soul… She is a master at captivating me.

Her inner beauty shines brighter than any other soul could.

She is beautiful on the outside, even though she doesn’t know it.

She is patient.

She is kind.

She is passionate.

She is strong.

SHE is LOVE.

Xoxo, Neuro

The Fight

When you love someone, you CRAVE their presence, you CRAVE their place in your world, you CRAVE the sound of their voice, the sensation of their touch. You CRAVE the reaction you have to their being, their looks, their taste, their love.

When you love someone.. you don’t GIVE UP. You don’t FORGET to reply, you don’t FORCE yourself to spend time with them, or DREAD spending the day with them. When you love someone, BEING with them, it’s as easy as BREATHING.

And no… this isn’t me saying that when you’re in love with someone everything is sunshine and rainbows… it’s me saying that DESPITE the fights, the arguments, the disagreements, the pain, the struggles you go through, everything that life throws at you…DESPITE all of the bad times.. when you’re with them everything will be okay… EVENTUALLY.

When you love someone.. you MAKE TIME for them, you CHOOSE to be with them, to let them in. When you love someone.. you CONFIDE in them, come to them with your troubles and you HOPE and PRAY that they respect and trust you enough to do the same.

When you love someone… every day is a CHOICE… everyday is a FIGHT between doing what’s best for yourself, and the one you love. When you love someone, you FIGHT for that love you share, you FIGHT for yourself, and you fight FOR each other.

When you love someone… you DON’T fight EACH OTHER.

But when you love someone… you can’t forget who you are. Because when you forget who you are… you forget why everything started.. you forget the way things should be.. and you let things go.. you give up on yourself and them.. you give up on the relationship you built together.

PLEASE. DON’T GIVE UP.

XOXO, NEURO

It’s Been A While… (Warning Word Vomit)

Thee past few months have been a crazy roller coaster ride. Works been crazy, working on my new relationship, applying for schools… Everything seems like it’s constantly moving faster than ever before.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve sat down and wrote anything. My mental health took a turn for the worst, and it was a struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to shower, a struggle to do the most basic tasks. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I couldn’t let down the people I love. I knew that if I stayed in bed, if I gave up on life, that I wouldn’t be able to live with my self knowing that I disappointed the ones i love most in this crazy life.

Unfortunately the thing that comes to my mind next… is that even though I’m so worried about letting down the people I love.. the only personI can really count on is me. There’s no one else who will always have my back, who will be there for me no matter what.

I’ve always put everything i have, put my all into whatever significant other that I’m with at the moment. I can’t explain how amazing it is to sit here, next to my current S.O. And feel at ease.. that no matter what,,, they are helping me be the best me I can be.. They have made me realize that I need to get up out of bed, for me. I need to push to do the things that scare me.. for no one but myself. I need to do the things I want to do, do the things that I know that I want out of life, that will make me happy because no one else will do it for me.

I’m using this as a pledge to myself, that no matter what. I will apply. To colleges. I will get my degree. I’m going to write, and publish my books, and I am going to do everything I dream of. Make everything that I want happen, because of me. Because it’s what makes me happy. Because its what I want out of life. And not for what I think will impress or make the people I love happy.

XOXO, Neuro

Change

Change is possibly my least favorite thing to experience in life.

I don’t think anyone likes change… if I’m being honest. However, the thing with life is nothing is permanent.. things are constantly changing. Life is changing. I got fired from my job.. for something out of my control. Spent a month and a half with out a job.. and finally accepted a job at my old company..

I’m excited for what the future holds. I’m in a new relationship, I’m about to start a new job, and I’m looking to move out of my current living situation. ‘

Change is scary to me… all of the what ifs.. all of the times that you just don’t know what the future holds. I would rather sit back and know everything thats going to happen that be in the dark of the future.

The Uncertainty of Love

After 6 months of being single.. I can finally stomach the idea of maybe falling in love again.. key word… MAYBE.

Love is a weird feeling.. the excited head rush.. the butterflies.. the feeling of being home.. safe.. and cared for.. all from being around one person. It’s a strange feeling when you’re truly not used to feeling it..

Some people say that I’m the feeling of love comes and goes. That you can fall out of love as quickly as you can fall into it. But to me.. if you fall out of it that quickly.. was it even love?

That’s what truly haunts me the most.. the uncertainty of feelings.. you they truly feel the same way? Could I marry this person? How would I feel of they just disappeared from my life? The questions that follow the thought of love.. they bring a rise of uncertainty to the idea of love. Is it worth it?

Is the possibility of love worth the uncertainty of losing yourself, losing everything you feel for a person? How do you know when to take that plung?

These are the questions that radiate through my mind as I think about love.

Xoxo Neuro

Hope.

I’ve been going through a lot lately… end of a relationship, rekindling of a friendship, new diagnosis, and new life experiences.. all during a pandemic.

Things are crazy, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. The one thing I do know.. is that I maybe, just maybe might actually be happy. Which is something I haven’t felt in a long time. I never thought I could feel this away again.. not in a million years. But I’m glad I do.

I’m glad I get to experience life.. not feel guilty… and just have a chance to be my self and figure out everything that is.. well, that is me.

All of this gives me hope. And I will do everything in my power to make sure it stays this way.

Xoxo, Neuro

The Weekend

Thee weekend. The time that most people take to relax, revive, and spend time with their loved ones. Right? That’s what most people do? The truth is.. I’ve never been much for weekends. There is always too many people out and about, that’s when everyone does their shopping for the week, the grocery stores are packed… despite the fact that we’re living in a freaking pandemic.. Every one is out and about with out a care. at least… in the USA.

I don’t know if any one actually reads these posts, or if any one cares but the thing is.. the US is going to shit.

No, I’m not going to go into the politics side of the shit world the USA is becoming, but just the general weekend craziness. People not wearing masks, partying it up in bars and other places. People just aren’t keeping in mind that people are dying, people are getting really sick and not too many people care. The thing is people just want it to be over. We have never encountered anything like this in our life times.. Them wanting things to be over makes sense… this SUCKS. I got it, WE get it. The real issue is that the adults in this country seem to think they are invincible, that it’s too much, no too fucking hard to wear a mask. and that pisses me off. I went to target today, as one does and I see a grown ass couple walking around, masks not on right, nose completely uncovered, just hanging on aimlessly walking around. Right next to them are 2 little kids, elementary school aged masks on perfectly, not touching anything, walking nicely next to them.

What is it with adults that they can’t do the bare MINIMUM to keep themselves and everyone around them safe. What is the big deal? It’s not so hard to breathe in a mask.

THIS IS WHY THE USA IS GOING TO SHIT.

okay, rant over.

Xoxo Neuro

New Year, New Me

New year, new me. That’s what we all say after the new year right? New Years resolutions, changing your self for the better… blah, blah, blah. Usually I have the same New Years resolutions, lose weight, make more money, move out of my current hell hole I live in. But there’s a difference between the pst years and this year.

The difference between past years and this year is amazing, and truly shows that I grew last year. I no longer have “lose weight” as a resolution. I have “love my self”. i know this will take time, but I have all of the time in the world to work on it. Yes, I need to lose weight, but I am no longer the highest weight I’ve been, and have lost 25 pounds in the last 6 months, and I did it with out changing a thing. I still eat what I want, I move as much as I can with my work load, but I stopped caring, no, stressing over the fact that I am in fact FAT. i have rolls, and fat, and i jiggle when I walk but who cares?? I’m working on it. And it’s my body… the only one I have.

The next difference is I start a new job with better health insurance, more money, more opportunities to move up in my field, and I won’t’ have to deal with my current boss. This new job will allow me to finish school, earn more money, and I’ll be able to find a new place to live. That sounds like improvement and growth already don’t ya think??

The last part, my favorite part, I’m going to put my writing to good use. No, I don’t mean these blog post where I just word vomit my feeling, thoughts, or whatever flows from my brain to my fingers, I mean my WRITING. I’m going to finish my novel, and write children’s books. Amazon makes it easy to write e-books for kindle, and I’ll be damned if I don’t get published. I’ll self-publish my books until I can be noticed and get published by someone else.

This will be MY YEAR. My time to shine. My time to grow. My time to be happy. Make it your year too. How will you make it your year? What are your New Years resolutions? Lemme know!

Xoxo, Neuro

Stress.

I haven’t posted in a bit because I’ve been going through a lot. I’m switching meds and this change has had some bad side effects. Today I had an extremely bad panic attack that almost ended my marriage… and that was scary. The littlest things are making me irritable and it scares me…

Can anyone else relate?

Xoxo💕🐨💕