Tag: life

I want to be loved.

I want to be loved like there’s no one else in the world that compares to me.

I want to be loved like there’s no other way to live.

I want to be loved…

I want to be loved by someone so genuine that you can’t even imagine what you were thinking when you were with someone else.

There is no one else.

That’s the love I crave and desire.

A burning sensation so intense that I might die if I don’t receive it.

I want to be loved.

Xoxo, Neuro

Lightening and You

The sky sparks bright in a late summer storm

Flashes, cracks, boom

Grey skies, bright in an instant, that slowly fade

Each spark, unique.

The move together as we do, at our own pace

Moving with the thunder

Echoing like our heartbeats

With my head against your chest

As with the storm

Everything fades away

The sun shines

and I have found my peace.

xoxo, Neuro

Stuck

There are many times in life we feel stuck. Physically, emotionally, mentally… It’s a feeling that we all have felt before. It drains us, makes us feel inadequate, helpless, hopeless. Not knowing where to go next, or what move to make.

Feeling stuck to me is one of the worst feelings I can have. Physically stuck? I find a way out, reach out for help, and continue moving forward. Emotionally stuck? I talk to my therapist, or my best friend, or as you’ve all witnessed here, I write through my emotions and continue on my happy way. Mentally? Well, again… I talk it out, write it out, or work through it in my own way.

Today though, is one of the worse ways I could ever feel stuck. I feel stuck inside myself.

I feel like I’m trapped inside my brain, inside my head, inside this body… but I’m not really stuck.. I mean I am.. my soul is in this body until I die, or whatever it is you believe. But it’s much more than that today. I feel like I’m trapped inside my own mind, stuck with the intrusive thoughts, the darkness. I am trapped deep into the unbearable caves of my mind just searching for a way out.

How does one get out of her own mind?

Well, that’s a fun one isn’t it? music, talking to friends, going out, painting, spending time in nature, working out, sex.

All of these things usually help me get out of my mind.

But, what do you do when nothing works? When you don’t know how to move on from the things haunting you in your own brain?

When everything you try, every moment of life around you just hurt more than help. When everything outside of your mind triggers the darkness inside?

I wish I knew how to help myself. I wish I knew how to continue on, without hurting this much.

But how do you come back from feeling so numb, yet so hurt. Even worse when you continue to just hurt yourself with every thought that passes through your mind. When even the good things, the things that you enjoy in the deepest part of your soul, the people you love more than anything in the world, just don’t bring you any kind of rest from the pain inside your own mind?

Right now.. more than any other time.. I wish I knew.

xoxo, Neuro

Beauty and Grace

Her whole world sometimes seems like an absolute forest of darkness.

The sun never shines,

The clouds gloom over her,

Yet she never wavers.

The waves take her under, over, and over again until she feels as if she can no longer breathe.

Until one day..

The waves cease.

The sun breaks through the clouds and she shines like all the stars in the sky.

Through the drowning, breaking, fading..

She rises above the mess

Unitil all that’s left is the beauty and grace.

The beauty of the sun reflected in the calm ocean water..

A resemblance of her beauty deep within her soul, that’s reflected in the brightness in her eyes.

The tide laps at the sand, before pulling back.

Just as graceful as she begins to move through life.

Once she looks deep inside,

Just to find..

Beauty and Grace.

xoxo, Neuro

Trust

How do you trust anyone? Strangers? Friends? Family? Significant others? How does one just let go and put their trust and faith into someone so effortlessly.

We go through life putting our trust into so many people, on multiple levels throughout our days without even realizing it. We trust out family to have our backs, we trust our friends to be there for us, strangers not to ram into our cars while we’re driving. Yet, there are so many of us who can’t trust ourselves.

What do we do when we realize that we can’t even trust ourselves to keep us safe?

Maybe it’s the anxiety, maybe it’s the trauma.. but one of the saddest moments is when you realize that no matter what.. you thought you were safe.. but you can’t even seem to do that for yourself.

and honestly that is what terrifies me.

Here I sit and wonder… will I ever trust myself again? Will I ever let myself trust someone else again?

Right now, I honestly don’t know. maybe one day I’ll trust again.. but that day won’t be today.

xoxo, Neuro

Hope

Nothing gives you hope like things finally falling into place. You find love, you build something with someone special.. and you plan for the future

You let yourself hope again for the first time in a long time.. and suddenly everything falls into place.

You then realize that all of your hope is worth it because you have the power to change your future and build a life just the way you hope for it.

And maybe.. just maybe.. this time.. you’ll be glad you help on hope to the things that bring your soul to life.

The Little Things

It’s always the little things that we experience that bring me the most joy and peace in my life. Cooking in the kitchen with the love of my life, the thought of getting to come home to her every day for the rest of my life… the looks given across the table..Joking each other because thats how we show each other we love you.

It’s crazy honestly, the connection you can have with someone where just the littlest touch, the slightest look, can give you full body shivers… and make you feel as if you’re floating on cloud 9…

The way I feel with her… is the way I’ve always wanted to be loved. The day I make her my wife will be the best day of my life. The sweetest moment. just like every other moment we’ve ever had together, everything in it’s self is simple. From the way that we joke, to how we cook, to the way we love and crave to be loved.

Every little thing is as easy as breathing.

And god I can’t believe I get to spend these little moments and experience the little things with her.

It’s fucking crazy.

Xoxo, Neuro

Jealousy

Jealousy is such an ugly feeling. It will make the sweetest of women turn vicious in a second… but it’s a valid feeling. Seeing the one you love, be in love with someone else can be tough to deal with.. but we do what we have to and we move on.

What gets my blood boiling is when someone acts out in jealousy… and pulls that “poor me” act.. it pisses me off to. No fucking end. I can’t stand when people decide to try and intimidate, guilt, or whatever else out of jealousy.

It’s just one of those things that gets my anger goin. Ya know?

But you smile, play nice and smoke about it.

You vibe to the music, remember the ones you love, you breathe in the good vibes… and exhale the bullshit.

And you put on your big girl panties and move the fuck on.

End of rant.

Xoxo neuro