New Year, New Me

New year, new me. That’s what we all say after the new year right? New Years resolutions, changing your self for the better… blah, blah, blah. Usually I have the same New Years resolutions, lose weight, make more money, move out of my current hell hole I live in. But there’s a difference between the pst years and this year.

The difference between past years and this year is amazing, and truly shows that I grew last year. I no longer have “lose weight” as a resolution. I have “love my self”. i know this will take time, but I have all of the time in the world to work on it. Yes, I need to lose weight, but I am no longer the highest weight I’ve been, and have lost 25 pounds in the last 6 months, and I did it with out changing a thing. I still eat what I want, I move as much as I can with my work load, but I stopped caring, no, stressing over the fact that I am in fact FAT. i have rolls, and fat, and i jiggle when I walk but who cares?? I’m working on it. And it’s my body… the only one I have.

The next difference is I start a new job with better health insurance, more money, more opportunities to move up in my field, and I won’t’ have to deal with my current boss. This new job will allow me to finish school, earn more money, and I’ll be able to find a new place to live. That sounds like improvement and growth already don’t ya think??

The last part, my favorite part, I’m going to put my writing to good use. No, I don’t mean these blog post where I just word vomit my feeling, thoughts, or whatever flows from my brain to my fingers, I mean my WRITING. I’m going to finish my novel, and write children’s books. Amazon makes it easy to write e-books for kindle, and I’ll be damned if I don’t get published. I’ll self-publish my books until I can be noticed and get published by someone else.

This will be MY YEAR. My time to shine. My time to grow. My time to be happy. Make it your year too. How will you make it your year? What are your New Years resolutions? Lemme know!

Xoxo, Neuro

Life.

Today is January 1st, 2021 and I CHOOSE to live MY life as I see fit. Not how my spouse sees fit, not my parents, or my siblings. ME. I am in control and I demand that I will take my life by the reigns and make it the best one I can. I will not be subject to someone else controlling my moves, my day to day actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. I promise to my self that I am here for me, for my life, and for the future that is ahead of me. I will NOT put my self down. I will NOT take my self for granted. I will NOT let my self fall through the cracks of this universe with out putting my mark on this world.

But first, What is life?

Life. The thing we are given, not the thing we choose. Well, technically speaking. Life is the thing that we are given from the moment our parents do the deed, to the moment our life washes away. We did not chose to be here, to be a form of life on this planet we call home. Some one else chose this life for us, but once we are given this life it is not something to be taken lightly. We only have one… at a time. Some people believe in reincarnation, while others do not and that is completely up to you what you believe. None the less what ever you believe it is important to take this life we have been given and do the best we can.

We must do the best we can, not for our spouse, or for our parents, but for ourselves. This is the life we have been given, and it has been given to us for one reason or another but it is OURS. Do not take this life for granted, you chose what you make of it. CHOOSE to be happy, CHOOSE to have love. love for this life,. Love for yourself. Love your mind, your body, your soul. You only have one, and what happens if you waste the only life you have? You end up not wanting, not choosing to push foreword, not choosing to continue living this wonderful life you were given.

Starting today I promise my self that I will not judge my body, my mind, or my self worth. I am a QUEEN. I am BEAUTIFUL. I am WORTHY of LOVE and COMPASSION. And so are you. Hold your head up high, show your self the love and compassion that you deserve.

Xoxo Neuro

Stress.

I haven’t posted in a bit because I’ve been going through a lot. I’m switching meds and this change has had some bad side effects. Today I had an extremely bad panic attack that almost ended my marriage… and that was scary. The littlest things are making me irritable and it scares me…

Can anyone else relate?

Xoxo💕🐨💕

Feelings.

Have you ever had a feeling so strong you don’t know what to do with it?

Right now that’s how I feel. I have this upset and anger building inside of me. This guilt and confusion because I hurt my s.o. Without meaning to. I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack but I’ve been doing so good.. I don’t want to take my Xanax to calm down because I’ve used them allot lately.

Help? Any ideas?

Xoxo Neuro 💕🐨

6/10/19-the first.

Today was the first time in a long time I felt truly at peace. For the first part of the day I was in a bliss of love and in an extraordinary state of mind. Then I got I told what a terrible daughter I was and decided that today will be the first day.

The first day I say f-you and fully care about my self and my self alone. A child should never have to feel the way I felt today and that means that from now on my soul purpose will be to make my self happy. And in the process I will make my man happy as well. But that’s it. I no longer care about the opinions of my family.

Today will be the first day of my new forever. My mental health and my piece of mind now come before everything and anything.

Today, I took a mental health day from work. It was the first day in a long time I did things for me. I took a walk, did yoga (which I haven’t done in over a year. And man did that hurt). But today is my day. And from here on out there will be more days like this one.

Tell me what you do for you! How do you take care of your self mentally.

I’m here to listen, give advice, tell my story, but also, to take advice from you.

Xoxo neuro 🐨💕

Welcome!

Hi there! Welcome to my journey. I’m not quite sure what this is going to turn into, but get ready for the ride of your life….Well, the ride of my life. If there’s one thing you need to know, it is that I don’t like people. So if I like you, well, you’re pretty special. I am 26 years old, just on this crazy ride we call life. I am a Queer, polyamorous female, with a gorgeous partner, who makes my life so full. This is my safe space, where I will word vomit, and dump out whatever is in my brain. There’s a mix of posts, poems, word vomit, whatever comes out of my brain to help me work through things in my fucked up brain. This is how I choose to heal. Processing, writing, letting my emotions go, working through it and moving the FUCK on. It may not make sense, but this is me. Follow me through this journey. A journey of self love, relationships, family, polyamory, emotions, the roller coaster that is my life.

I guess I should start now huh?

Things in my life haven’t always been how they are now. Well, I guess they kind of have. From the time I was young, I’d only talk to those I was comfortable with. I was one of four kids so you’d think that I’d be more out going, but the reality is I always felt like an outsider. No, I don’t think my family did it to me on purpose but it’s kind of just how everything panned out. At the age of 14 I was jumped by a girl in my neighborhood and sent to the hospital because of it. That’s where everything got intensified. The doctors started throwing out words like PTSD and anxiety. They were saying that I would have some issues for a while; and as a 14 year old girl that was confusing (the concussion didn’t help). Since then things have changed, I’ve learned more about my self and my conditions/diagnoses. Some things have gotten better, some worse, and other things have been added. But I will not stop. But let’s not dwell on the past too much.

To reiterate, I’m not sure how this is going to go, but Welcome to my journey. Come along for an interesting ride.