The Fight

When you love someone, you CRAVE their presence, you CRAVE their place in your world, you CRAVE the sound of their voice, the sensation of their touch. You CRAVE the reaction you have to their being, their looks, their taste, their love.

When you love someone.. you don’t GIVE UP. You don’t FORGET to reply, you don’t FORCE yourself to spend time with them, or DREAD spending the day with them. When you love someone, BEING with them, it’s as easy as BREATHING.

And no… this isn’t me saying that when you’re in love with someone everything is sunshine and rainbows… it’s me saying that DESPITE the fights, the arguments, the disagreements, the pain, the struggles you go through, everything that life throws at you…DESPITE all of the bad times.. when you’re with them everything will be okay… EVENTUALLY.

When you love someone.. you MAKE TIME for them, you CHOOSE to be with them, to let them in. When you love someone.. you CONFIDE in them, come to them with your troubles and you HOPE and PRAY that they respect and trust you enough to do the same.

When you love someone… every day is a CHOICE… everyday is a FIGHT between doing what’s best for yourself, and the one you love. When you love someone, you FIGHT for that love you share, you FIGHT for yourself, and you fight FOR each other.

When you love someone… you DON’T fight EACH OTHER.

But when you love someone… you can’t forget who you are. Because when you forget who you are… you forget why everything started.. you forget the way things should be.. and you let things go.. you give up on yourself and them.. you give up on the relationship you built together.

PLEASE. DON’T GIVE UP.

XOXO, NEURO

It’s Been A While… (Warning Word Vomit)

Thee past few months have been a crazy roller coaster ride. Works been crazy, working on my new relationship, applying for schools… Everything seems like it’s constantly moving faster than ever before.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve sat down and wrote anything. My mental health took a turn for the worst, and it was a struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to shower, a struggle to do the most basic tasks. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I couldn’t let down the people I love. I knew that if I stayed in bed, if I gave up on life, that I wouldn’t be able to live with my self knowing that I disappointed the ones i love most in this crazy life.

Unfortunately the thing that comes to my mind next… is that even though I’m so worried about letting down the people I love.. the only personI can really count on is me. There’s no one else who will always have my back, who will be there for me no matter what.

I’ve always put everything i have, put my all into whatever significant other that I’m with at the moment. I can’t explain how amazing it is to sit here, next to my current S.O. And feel at ease.. that no matter what,,, they are helping me be the best me I can be.. They have made me realize that I need to get up out of bed, for me. I need to push to do the things that scare me.. for no one but myself. I need to do the things I want to do, do the things that I know that I want out of life, that will make me happy because no one else will do it for me.

I’m using this as a pledge to myself, that no matter what. I will apply. To colleges. I will get my degree. I’m going to write, and publish my books, and I am going to do everything I dream of. Make everything that I want happen, because of me. Because it’s what makes me happy. Because its what I want out of life. And not for what I think will impress or make the people I love happy.

XOXO, Neuro

The Uncertainty of Love

After 6 months of being single.. I can finally stomach the idea of maybe falling in love again.. key word… MAYBE.

Love is a weird feeling.. the excited head rush.. the butterflies.. the feeling of being home.. safe.. and cared for.. all from being around one person. It’s a strange feeling when you’re truly not used to feeling it..

Some people say that I’m the feeling of love comes and goes. That you can fall out of love as quickly as you can fall into it. But to me.. if you fall out of it that quickly.. was it even love?

That’s what truly haunts me the most.. the uncertainty of feelings.. you they truly feel the same way? Could I marry this person? How would I feel of they just disappeared from my life? The questions that follow the thought of love.. they bring a rise of uncertainty to the idea of love. Is it worth it?

Is the possibility of love worth the uncertainty of losing yourself, losing everything you feel for a person? How do you know when to take that plung?

These are the questions that radiate through my mind as I think about love.

Xoxo Neuro